When Mothers Day is Difficult

How to navigate complicated feelings about mothers day

Mother’s Day isn’t always a straightforward day of joy and thankfulness. For many of us it will be messy and complicated. Punctuated by moments of pain and happiness. Making our way through a day that we have conflicting thoughts and feelings about can be incredibly challenging.

Whether through bereavement or the breakdown of a relationship. How do we enjoy mothers day with our children if we are missing our own mother, or the mother we wish we’d had? How do we celebrate with our own mother if it highlights our own losses? Mothers Day can be filled with complexities and heightened emotions.

Our brains like clarity and certainty: Mothers Day should be this or it should be that. It should be good or bad. Happy or sad. Resisting the grey messy in between area, whilst searching for the black or white is how many of us may experience Mothers Day. Switching or swinging between the two extremes trying to find an answer as to how we feel about the day, resolve the contradictions between our feelings and sit firmly in one camp or the other.

Embracing the grey, messy in between area, is the key to making your way through the day. There isn’t a right or wrong way to feel or think. Holding gently all of our feelings gives us the power to move away from judging them, so we can lean into them with more compassion and understanding. When we accept them as they are without trying to change them, we can focus on what we really need. This could be things such as rest, space, exercise. Some time alone or to be surrounded by people. A day out or a day at home. What you need may change as the days goes on.

Give yourself permission this Mothers Day to sit in the grey, messy in between.

The Most Important Relationship You’ll Ever Have

It isn’t the one you might think…

Society and the media would lead us to believe that the most important relationships in our life, in terms of the impact on our mental health are our relationships with our friends, parents and romantic partners.

Whilst they are definitely important and how healthy and secure they are can effect our mood, they don’t have the biggest effect on our mental health. The single most important relationship you will ever have, is the relationship you have with yourself. For some of us this will be the first time we’ve even considered that we have a relationship with ourselves. Think about it for a few moments:

You are the person you spend every minute of every day with. You are the person whose voice you have always heard and will always hear. You are the person who chooses what you eat, when you sleep, where you go. You are someone who will always be there to soothe and calm yourself when you’re distressed or anxious, to encourage you when your mood is low.

Whilst we absolutely need our relationships with others and there are often lots of external events that are outside of our control, working on your relationship with yourself is something you have the power to do and it can be life changing.

Start small and just begin to observe your relationship with yourself. How do you speak to yourself? How do you treat yourself? When we become more aware of the relationship with have with ourselves we can look to make positive changes that will support our mental wellbeing.

The theme of our February box is ‘All about you’ and has been designed to help you begin to build a healthier and happier relationship with yourself. Visit our shop to find out more.

The Truth About ‘Blue Monday’

Is Blue Monday really the most depressing day of the year?

If the media tells enough people that it is, our mood may well be influenced by it. We won’t necessarily buy into it 100% but the suggestion that it is, can often be enough for us to anticipate it being a difficult day. When we think its going to be a difficult day, we may well begin to feel lower and change our behaviour in response to those thoughts and feelings. All of this combined means we increase the likelihood of our day being more challenging and our mood being lower.

How would you feel and what would you think if someone told you it was yellow Monday? A day of sunshine and happiness. A day when good things are going to happen. You may well feel more optimistic about the day ahead, you could be more energised and in a more positive mood.

Simply put Blue Monday is a con. It is a concept used by a travel agency as a marketing ploy and even the researcher who originally published the date has since challenged its validity. Since 2005 multiple retailers and companies have used the date as a publicity tactic: “Here’s the most depressing day of the year – why not book a holiday to cheer yourself up?”

How to boost your happiness on ‘Blue Monday’..

So if Blue Monday isn’t a real thing the great news is that it isn’t written in stone that you are going to have a bad day. There are multiple things that you can do to boost your mood (that don’t involve buying anything!).

Here’s three to try:

  1. Go outside: Even though its cold, getting outside is one of the best ways to boost your mood. Your brain will release more of your happy hormones and you’ll sleep better too. Even just a little wander in your garden can help.
  2. Look for two good things in your day: Evidence shows that when we make a mental note of the positive things in our day, over time our happiness levels increase. Your two things don’t have to huge, just small simple pleasures.
  3. Write a ‘done’ list: A done list is much more fun than a ‘to do’ list. Make a note of everything you’ve done. From brushing your teeth to tasks at work and home. You’ll be surprised just how much you have achieved on blue Monday!

For more mental wellbeing tips and advice follow us on social media or why not try one of our boxes.

PeachyMinds Box x

Coping with Uncertainty at Christmas

This year has been a rollercoaster, hasn’t it? For many of us looking forward to Christmas with loved ones has kept us moving forward. The promise of better times ahead can provide great motivation when we’re feeling low or struggling. With things changing on an almost daily basis how do we cope with the uncertainty that surrounds this christmas?

Why we struggle with uncertainty..

Simply put, our brains prefer certainty. We like to know what is happening and when and where, because this assists our brains in assessing any potential risks and threats. Helping it to keep us safe and away from harm. We have evolved in many ways but in this respect our brains are similar to when we were cave women. When we experience uncertainty our minds tend to fill the gaps with made up ‘knowledge’ and more often than not the content of this is negative and creates a false sense of certainty. We might find ourselves imagining all kinds of catastrophe’s and disasters about this Christmas as our brains try to protect and prepare us for worse case scenarios. The tricky part can be that the more important the occasion is to us, the more difficult it can be to cope with uncertainty surrounding it.

How can we cope better with uncertainty?

Here are our two top tips for coping with uncertainty at Christmas:

Acknowledge that you’re finding the uncertainty difficult and get to grips with the things that you are worried about happening or not happening. Often we try and avoid thinking too deeply about it because we want to avoid the uncomfortable feelings. Give yourself permission to find it difficult and show yourself compassion, kindness and understanding. This not only feels good but reassures your brain that you are safe and secure and that you have the resources to cope should anything go wrong.

Focus on what you can control. This Christmas there are undoubtedly things happening in the world that are outside of our control and whilst its important to acknowledge that (see tip one!) refocusing on what you can control can be helpful. Try drawing two concentric circles, in one write all of the things you can control. For example, what time you go to bed, what you eat, what gifts you buy etc. In the other you can write down all of the things that are out of your control. For example, the government, the news, other people actions. This activity can really help you gain perspective and focus on the things you can control. Making it easier to accept the things you can’t.

What are your top tips for coping with uncertainty at Christmas? Please join us and share them with us on social media.

At PeachyMinds Box we hope that the festive season brings you many moments of peace and happiness.

Welcome to PeachyMinds Box

Why not make 2022 the year you take control and make your mental wellbeing a priority? We believe that with the right help and support everyone can have a peachier mind and a happier life.

Our mental wellbeing subscription boxes have been designed to help you do just that. Expertly curated by psychotherapists and delivered to your your door each month, our boxes contain a unique variety of products and activities. We’re bringing therapeutic activities out of the therapy room and into your home so you can reap the rewards of making your mental wellbeing a priority.

At PeachyMinds Box we know just what it takes to build a happier life and being connected to others plays a key part. This is why each month our community of peaches, guided by a psychotherapist, explore the months box contents together. Providing mutual support and accountability to help ensure the changes you are working hard to make really last. Unlike other boxes which may provide a wonderful treat or dose of self care, each PeachyMinds box contains the following essential elements.

  • A guided, evidence backed therapeutic activity.
  • A mindfulness activity/product.
  • A creative activity, complete with all materials.
  • A self care product chosen to reduce stress.
  • Access to our online webinars and supportive community.

(We often like to include extra little ‘treats’ too but don’t tell everyone!)

Themes and topics change each month but all are based on our brains ability to adapt and become peachier when we make small changes to our thoughts and actions. If you’d like to suggest a theme for a future box please do get in touch:

© 2022 The Peachy Mind Ltd